Roomie Revenge

The previous two posts did speak a lot on the lines of marriage. Let's take a bit of detour from those, shall we? Before you start hovering more around the title, I'll break the ice for you. I've been traveling a lot in the last few months. I know! I know! That's SO unlike me. No, not traveling like once to the Alps and then the next day to the Kandahars. I meant - traveling to home and then my second home back and forth. Hence, the concept of packing has been a little too --- well, let's just say I've a PhD in it by now. I'm sick of it. Tired of packing and unpacking. Even reached a point where I literally did not unpack certain stuff and just took it straight out from the bag after hours of searching my closets. Closet is a very fancy term for someone who stays in a PG but that's not the point! Coming back to packing - this time it's sort of a major step forward. Yep, I'm leaving Chennai. I'm moving back to the land where I was born. Initially, I was excited about it but then once I started thinking of all the stuff that I've to give up, I was disheartened (and this is a bit of an understatement!). My roomie and I were talking on what I've to give up and we came up with a bunch of stuff.

Roomie: When are you gonna start packing?

Me: I've sort of already started if you didn't notice.

Roomie: Uh huh. Where exactly have you started?

Me: Remember, how I threw away the eggs the other day..

Roomie: Wow, score! Throwing away the eggs - that's packing alright.

Me: No no, seriously. I'm freaking out. I've so much stuff and I'm only allowed like 20 Kgs of stuff that I can drag around.

*after a few minutes of silence*

Roomie: Relax! You'll be fine. Let's figure out what you can't take with you.

*she starts listing down*

Roomie: Bucket, mugs, laundry bag, plastic trays, cereal boxes...

Me: Whoa whoa, boxes? I've a lot of them. Would you like to take away the salt/sugar I've stored in 'em?

Roomie: Sure.

Me: I've got Surf Excel as well. 

Roomie: Sure.

Me: You can keep the sandwich maker, btw.

Roomie: Sure.

Me: I've got some clothes as well.

Roomie: Nah, I'm good.

Me: I've got some moisturisers and shampoo bottles.

Roomie: Plural? I'll take them.

Me: You can use my tray, btw.

Roomie: Sure.

Me: My bed as well.

Roomie: I know.

Me: Yeah, you use that anyway when I'm not around. 

Roomie: *grins*

*after an hour of waking me up from almost sleeping*

Roomie: Hey! You won't be able to drink or hangout with your friends anymore.

Me: Thanks for bringing that up. Let's just focus on goods in Chennai, shall we?

Roomie: You won't be able to talk to your friends on the phone at night either?

Me: Uh huh.

Roomie: You won't have time to watch movies on your laptop.

Me: Uh huh.

Roomie: You won't be able to hang up on your mom when she talks about marriage.

Me: Uh huh.

Roomie: You won't be able to order outside food much even when you're craving for it.

Me: Uh huh.

Roomie: You won't be able to reach home early just by walking from work.

Me: Did I do something to you? Go back to sleep!

The more I thought about it, she was actually right. I was so busy in planning on what I'm looking forward to that I almost forgot about what I'm gonna be giving up - My freedom! And it did suck but then silver lining to the rescue. 

*waking her up*

Me: I will be able to cook my own food.

Roomie: Uh huh.

Me: I will be able to have fish every single day.

Roomie: Uh huh.

Me: I will be able to stuff my clothes into the washing machine and not worry about handwashing!

Roomie: Uh huh.

Me: I will be able to watch TV!

Roomie: Uh huh.

Me: I can get broadband connection and download movies in seconds.

Roomie: Uh huh.

Me: I will be saving on rent. :D

Roomie: *glares at me*

Me: I will be saving in general as well. :D

Roomie: Alright. I'm real sleepy. 

Me: No more power cuts!

Roomie: Get your tush back to your bed!

More in my next post which will be written soon. *tongues out*

g(ROOM) under construction

We are back with the second part of Hitchy Business. Today, I’m gonna discuss on the process of groom hunting. I started thinking on how painful the entire process of arranged marriage has been painted in the Indian society. Just think of the time when you go to the market in the scorching heat to buy some vegetables. Let’s take tomatoes, shall we? Now, you’ll obviously not pick up any random tomatoes into your basket. What do you check? If they’re firm or soft or hard err let’s just say – you check on the texture. Anyway,  enough of Tomato Talk! Instead of tomatoes, picture well groomed guys and instead of the heat there’s the pressure. No no, I’m not checking out the texture of those guys here. K But you’d certainly wish I was because the criterions that me + my parents + my friends + my environment have put into filtering out the right guys are much more difficult than just plain texture checking. :( 

Even if I did rule out criterion, I’d still say finding THE ONE surely is taking it out of me. Honestly, it’s the only time I actually realized the importance of Love marriage. C’mon, finding a person who’s as freaky as you and getting hitched to ‘em? That’s truly a dream come true. And it rules out the interference of your family members into choosing your soul mate (if this exists!). I guess I wasn’t bright enough to see this coming my way.

I struck up with a very worry-some conversation with my roommate (we’ll give her a pseudo name Pinki) who’s also  sailing in a similar boat as I am. The stink of it is the more we discuss about this, the more we realize that we’re entering into the snake pit.

Pinki: I used to worry about spending the rest of the life with a stranger. I never thought finding that stranger would take a lifetime.

Me: That’s painfully funny. So, didja like anybody?

Pinki: Sure. Well, there’s the guy who loves his dogs more than his family. Then, there’s the other guy who shaved off his head. Ofcourse, there’s the third guy who painted his profile with all his certifications.

Me: That bad eh?

Pinki: Well, it gets worse. People should really photograph well. What’s with the glares everywhere? Do they hate making eye contact with the camera?

Me: I’m sort of judging them a bit on their profile description as well.

Pinki: Well, how much can you judge a person by words..

Me: No no, trust me you can.

I came across this profile –

Profile description: WIFE WANTED DESPARATELY. HAVE TO GET MARRIED SOON. ONLY CHILD WITH A BIKE.

Pinki: Sure. The caps is too loud.

Me: Out of all the things, you came up with loud caps as the only problem with that description?!

Pinki: Life is sad, eh. But your parents are surely making it worse for you, girl.

She’s right though. My parents are surely taking an extra mile with this thing. It’s bad enough that I cannot find a decent guy and to garnish it with their silly wants is just making it better. I happened to like some guys and I’m about to discuss them with my mother and this is what happens..

Me: Mom! I think I found a nice guy. He’s working in a similar domain as I am. And he’s smart, good looking..

Mom: Is he a manglik?

Me: Sorry?

Mom: What’s his nakshatra?

Me: You’re talking to me right?

Mom: Did he score with you?

Me: Well, I haven’t really taken my relationship with him to that level, if you know what I mean..

Mom: I meant horoscope scores!

Me: Oh, that..

Mom: Also, check if he has siblings

Me: *silence*

Mom: Also, check if he is really as old as he claims to be.

Me: Well, he has hair on his head, if that counts for something.

Mom: Also, check..

Me: Mom, I’m sure he’ll check himself out with all the checking that you’re asking me to do.

*I hang up*

And that’s how my morning starts every day. I find a guy and my parents reject him. If they find a guy, I reject him. If we mutually like a guy, the Sun, Moon, Earth, Venus and probably even Pluto is waiting to reject him. Imagine losing a good guy because he has a friggin’ Pluto in his 8^th house.

If the above sounded all Greek to you, I’m talking about horoscopes which probably belongs to astrology. It’s this board game format with planets scattered across it.

I was talking to a friend the other day regarding this and I shocked him to his very core. I don’t blame him. Poor guy didn’t talk to me for a week!

Friend: Anaa! What’s new with you? You seeing someone?

Me: I’m seeing many, if that makes sense.

Friend: Wow, that happening eh?

Me: Yep, totally! In the afternoons, I talk to them. At nights, I score with them. In the mornings, I turn them down or vice versa.

Friend: Err, them?

Me: I can’t recall how many though..

Friend: Are you high? What are you talking about?

Me: I’m talking about guys.

Friend: Uh huh, sure you are. So you are with these guys like in a group?

Me: Oh no no, I try them one by one.

Friend: Wokay, I have to go. Let’s talk later, shall we?

Well, that came out wrong. Can you blame me though? I’ll be sharing my encounters with a gay guy, with a normal one, with a weirdo and also men from different communities/castes/races in the next post. Adios for now! I’ve got some selection and rejection to face.