The How To claptrap

Umm, so we're not moving anywhere. We're staying put. Right here. I was about to make a big fancy shift to wordpress again but wait do you really care about this stuff? As long as you get to read my blog, it's fine. 

The title of this post didn't just happen to come to my mind out of the blue. Let's just assume my co-workers aren't reading this but I used to have the Namechk page open in the background at work. Well, I was trying to coin a nice term for all the nonsense that I write here so that I can brand some sense out of it. Turns out there are even bigger evil geniuses out there who thought of all the good awkward names for their rants. I tried "Buttmunch" as well and it turns out to be taken by some Insurance company. Talk about the after effects of calling someone that eh?

Yeah, that's one disgusting Meme face and so is the word Buttmunch. Anywhoo, what amazed me rather pissed me off during this search was that all the clever domains were registered with one or two posts on a heartbreak or how to tie a shoe lace. Speaking of the "How To" trend - have you ever tried to notice how it's taking over the internet? Try how to in Google and you'll know what I'm talking about. Apparently, you can score well with How To's everywhere. Try "How to get your aunt to shut up by distracting her with a playboy" and I bet that'll get hits too. Ignore the topic and it has nothing to do with my life. And if you've really done it, then I hope it worked. I truly do. Coming back to the point, I tried going the other way. As you all know that I'm the queen of negativity, I was thinking more on the lines of 'How NOT to' articles. Things like 'How NOT to get fired or get caught while you're reading FML at work'. Trust me you need to read FML at work. Thud! I could literally hear someone stealing my thoughts..oh wait! People are writing on that as well. 

So, how are you guys doing? I know that's an awkward question but I was going through some of my readers who posted comments on the blog before and most of them are not on Blogger anymore. That made me sad. I think I killed 'em with my inactivity. 

Mom's handbag

Allow me to introduce you to my mother's handbag. Well, it has everything except the thing that she or anyone else might be looking for. Oh, I know before I go on, you all will point it out to me saying, "Wait, a minute! We can't find stuff in our own bags most of the times as well.", but before you get there I wanted to mention a couple of stuff. One can literally find the most ridiculous objects in it. 

Err, mom I promise I'll keep your handbag's privacy and I'm only going to talk about the items which are no less than irrelevant. A few hours ago, I had to search for Boroline. Yep, I know we Bengalis love it. As I went on looking for it in the drawers, table, top of the fridge shelf, bathroom closet and every possible place, I was unable to find it so I turned to the ultimate search guide: MOM! She asked me to look inside her bag and that's when I knew that my search is about to get real wild. This almost convinced me to stop looking for the creme but she coaxed me to stop being such a lazy dull dud and forced me to search anyway. Aaaand here it goes!

Well, this is the weird part and it happens everytime. Whenever we go out and we're looking for money or change or even the phone (I'll come to this part later), she always ALWAYS ends up looking in the wrong section. I don't know if the bag is onto her or it does that just to irritate her. Anyway, coming back to the point, I started searching - Now, this bag has four sections (the first zip, the middle zip, the last zip and the small zip at the back)

The first zip
As usual, like mom, I too start with the wrong section everytime. I keep digging and I find stuff like
empty medicine strips
torn pieces of paper with NOTHING written on it
hankies (2-3 of them)
keys (alright, this is relevant)
plastic bags (maybe relevant?)
small thin religious books (now that explains the uncontrolled heaviness)

Moving on to the second zip
Lots of empty bottles of homeopathy meds. Empty? Damn! I could've popped some pills.

Third zip and by now I almost lost it and gave a shoutout to my mom as well saying: There's nothing in here!. She screams back: Keep looking! It's gotta be there in a corner.

This section was surprisingly empty

Finally, the smallest zip at the back and this is where she chooses to keep the phone! And this is the part I wanted to talk about. If she EVER receives a call, there's no way she's going to be able to successfully find her phone till the last ring. She also missed the entire call and found the phone after the call converts into a missed call. But anyway, there was success here! I found my BOROLINE lying at a corner stuffed like a small teddy. Ooh, I found an adorable keychain in there as well..Wait, why am I talking about a keychain?

So, I found the stuff after searching the entire bag. Yes, you'd think that had I started the search with the smallest zip, this wouldn't have been such a herculian task. Now, if you think about it, this kind of highlights Murphy's law a bit.

On a very very serious note to all my invisible lovely readers out there: I'm so sorry. I've been off the radar blog for a while now. It was sort of a dare from my hubby that I should get back to writing or he's going to stop talking. Ooh, did I mention that I got married? Lot of stories coming up on the married life front as well btw.